Vintage Bailey: 11/5

"You know, it is scary. To be nineteen and waking up at 9am to head to my 11-11 job of 7am to head to my 9-5 paced job, but I think that's the point. To struggle from day to day. To doubt your motives and intentions in the location of today. And to be so fed up with everyone and everything that you just want out. That more than all the riches of the royal crown or the experiences the world has to offer, that you just want life to ease up for ten minutes so you can catch your breath. But you really can't always get what you want. People leave and the everyday fight to the finish line knocks you down, family doubts your maturity and shakes off words of wisdom as temporary insanity. My family is NO different. I tell them I want to live off campus with friends, they say "that's really not a good idea". I say "I think I'm ready to start school" and they stifle a laugh. But when the opportunity to move to New York City manifests itself in mothers' brain, it becomes Campbell Rule. Sure, I was all gung-ho about the move, but as soon as the new car smell faded, I was ready for a new skyline, one a little closer to home. No, I pay your rent and for your expenses, you'll stay until I think you're ready to go. Campbell Rule. You're only 19, how could you possibly know what you want to do when you grow up? Trust, me, you'll regret leaving this place 10 years from now. Campbell Rule. What happened to me living my own life? What happened to the idea of letting your kids fly the coop and landing flat on their backs, all in the name of experience? Why is it that when I want something, I'm always 'too young' to make the decision alone? The last time I checked, if I'm allowed to move 1000+ miles from home, in with my 25-year-old sister, work in a restaurant 5 days a week, drink/smoke/abuse every available outlet I can and still hang onto my dignity and independence, whey am I too young to make a decision about the furthering of my education? How does all of that 'experience' and 'freedom' carry any merit if I'm still seen as a child? Maybe it's some suppressed childhood dream and it's being vicariously fulfilled through me, or a lesson I've yet to learn... But in order to grow and mature, one has to be in control of their own destiny and future. If I wanted to live someone else's life, I wouldn't do it the way I'm being led to live mine. I'd start all over, and not let you bully me into thinking I can't handle myself. Maybe you're afraid of losing me to the inner battle that people my age fight. Maybe you're just selfish and you want me to do everything your way... But which ever option it is, I resent it."

Vintage Bailey: 10/27

"There are so many things that I physically cannot do. I can't ditch that sick, I'm going to get mugged, feeling. I can't seem to go to sleep before midnight, and I can't get him out of my brain. There are so many things I can do though, like face difficulties with a smile, or make decent money as a hostess. And it's because of you that I'm not afraid anymore. You brought me back from the dead. You saved me. Even though I can never honestly say I loved you, I can say I still care. I may have selfishly kept you at arms length because I thought I deserved better, but the truth is that you do. I never saw you. I just saw an opportunity to mend the broken pieces and I jumped on board. I may have screwed myself up so much more in the process though. When there's a void, there's an obvious need to fill it, and when it hit my system that he would never be back, I sort of shut down. I lost friends, I stopped trusting people and I stopped trusting myself. Even when I came to terms with him leaving, I still let you be my consolation prize. Like, love the one you're with, if you can't be with the one you love. Except I could never use the word without cringing, because I believe that when you find the person you're supposed to spend forever with, it'll come easy. I'm so sorry I was selfish and led you on. I'm so sorry for keeping you just in reach, and letting you slip through my fingers for no reason. But most of all, I'm sorry for having the guts to admit I was wrong to someone too self-absorbed to notice."

I get it

..it's valentines day (or it was). I get it, you're single. But grow up a little bit. Not everybody is as miserable in their own skin as you are. Not everybody is too afraid to be alone. Maybe, if you tried a little harder, you could see that. Maybe, if you stepped outside your comfort zone for fifteen minutes, you could understand.