Vintage Bailey: 11/5

"You know, it is scary. To be nineteen and waking up at 9am to head to my 11-11 job of 7am to head to my 9-5 paced job, but I think that's the point. To struggle from day to day. To doubt your motives and intentions in the location of today. And to be so fed up with everyone and everything that you just want out. That more than all the riches of the royal crown or the experiences the world has to offer, that you just want life to ease up for ten minutes so you can catch your breath. But you really can't always get what you want. People leave and the everyday fight to the finish line knocks you down, family doubts your maturity and shakes off words of wisdom as temporary insanity. My family is NO different. I tell them I want to live off campus with friends, they say "that's really not a good idea". I say "I think I'm ready to start school" and they stifle a laugh. But when the opportunity to move to New York City manifests itself in mothers' brain, it becomes Campbell Rule. Sure, I was all gung-ho about the move, but as soon as the new car smell faded, I was ready for a new skyline, one a little closer to home. No, I pay your rent and for your expenses, you'll stay until I think you're ready to go. Campbell Rule. You're only 19, how could you possibly know what you want to do when you grow up? Trust, me, you'll regret leaving this place 10 years from now. Campbell Rule. What happened to me living my own life? What happened to the idea of letting your kids fly the coop and landing flat on their backs, all in the name of experience? Why is it that when I want something, I'm always 'too young' to make the decision alone? The last time I checked, if I'm allowed to move 1000+ miles from home, in with my 25-year-old sister, work in a restaurant 5 days a week, drink/smoke/abuse every available outlet I can and still hang onto my dignity and independence, whey am I too young to make a decision about the furthering of my education? How does all of that 'experience' and 'freedom' carry any merit if I'm still seen as a child? Maybe it's some suppressed childhood dream and it's being vicariously fulfilled through me, or a lesson I've yet to learn... But in order to grow and mature, one has to be in control of their own destiny and future. If I wanted to live someone else's life, I wouldn't do it the way I'm being led to live mine. I'd start all over, and not let you bully me into thinking I can't handle myself. Maybe you're afraid of losing me to the inner battle that people my age fight. Maybe you're just selfish and you want me to do everything your way... But which ever option it is, I resent it."