Nylon!!

Started my internship today.. Had a good first day, learned a little about how the magazine functions in general and saw a bit of how public relations crosses over into journalism, which was great because I know a little about both! Don't go in again until Thursday, but I've got a little assignment to do, so no rest yet! I won't stop until I've taken over the world!! (;

Weekend time..

Another week has gone by, and luckily I'm still here. Not much has happened, just got my hair cut and colored red... A real stress because I'd gotten used to the length that it was, and now I'm second guessing my bangs. What an idiott. I've had a headache all day, so it's bedtime for me. More info in the life of me later..

Half of my heart

John Mayer said it best.. 'half of my hearts got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time'. You never forget. It never gets easier. You just get older and you learn new ways to cope with the pains of the losses. Eventually, you mend in ways you'd never imagine, but after so much time that would signify a true break. When you lose someone you love, it's so much more difficult to get over than someone you just care about. Love is the one emotion that never goes away, whether short or long time. It's always there... Eating away at you. For the rest of your life.

Interview..

..About to head into an interview. Not really nervous, more anxious about getting it finished successfully.Wish me luckkk

Three little words

You would think that the three words 'I love you' are more difficult to choke out than 'I miss you' or 'I need you', but that's not the case. I've found that when you need someone in your life the most, they've already begun moving on. And when you want someone to leave you alone is when you have a huge problem, and more often than not, a stalker. I wish I was better with vocals. It's so much more difficult to say those three words when you know the recipient doesn't feel the same way that you do. A bitter, bitter taste in your mouth.. But you get what you get, and you don't get upset.

It's only Tuesday?

These past four days have crawled by. Since I found out about Chris passing on Sunday evening, everything is so slow motion. Usually working takes me a while to adjust to, but this week it's been good working. Being back from visiting home for so long and being thrown right back into working has been great. I didn't think I could possibly enjoy a seven hour shift on a Monday than I did last night. But let's not jinx it and just take 2010 one day at a time.

Purest at heart

It's so frustrating to think about how it's been the purest of heart that have been taken from the lives of myself and my friends this past year. There must be some underlying message that I'm missing, but it's just so infuriating. I work in a few hours and have yet to decide whether to wear makeup or not yet. I hate the feeling of knowing you're about to cry when you're wearing nonwaterproof makeup. Ughh. This day isn't going well already. 2010 sure welcomed itself with a bang.

Death

Why does it feel like everything bad happens to me while I'm over a thousand miles away from home? In 2008, there was Red. In 2009, there were Josh and family problems. And already in 2010, Chris. I just find it so hard to cope with and 'grin and bear'. Death is the one thing I physically cannot handle. It's my catch 22.

Baby blue.

The song 'My Baby Blue' by Dave Matthews Band never fails to get to me. It reminds me a bit of Josh, mostly the part that says "I will forever, cause you'll forever be. My one true broken heart, pieces inside of me and you forever..." it's just such a moving ballad. It's beautiful, and is a huge reason why I love DMB so much lately. They just get what it's like to lose a loved one and never be fully right again. Is anyone ever better?

IPhone blogging..

I resolved to blog more this year, and this genius app will aide me in doing just that. (: So far, this has been a difficult year. Ericka lost her best friend yesterday and I found out earlier tonight that Chris is in a coma. The saying about bad things happening in threes really hits me right now. Granted, there's only one for me so far, but 2009 had such great casualties for myself and my family that I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle going through something like that again.
I still haven't unpacked my suitcase. I literally am living out of my large Samsonite and small carry-on suitcases. I've been home since WEDNESDAY and have yet to light a fire under my own ass. I guess it's all this working and drama. Maybe it's finally getting to me. Who knows.. Maybe 2010 will be the year that I learn to show emotion and drive myself. But like I said, who knows. Plus, it's only January! Give a girl some credit! (;

Tuesday January 5th:

Last full day in Texas before I head back to the City.... So weird being home, but it's gonna be so hard to leave. Finally on good terms with all of the people that matter the most to me, and now I have to leave again. As Lady Antebellum puts it best: "Couldn't wait to get going, but wasn't quite ready to leave" SO TRUE!! Oh well, Texas- It's been nice, I'll miss you. NYC- WATCH OUT, I'm almost backkkkk

HELLO 2010!

I've never been one to make and keep my "Resolutions", but I feel like 2010 is the year to (try and) start.

1. Live life like today is my last day. No regrets, and no intentional fuck ups.

2. Deny myself of one thing that I want every day.

Whether it's a coke, chocolate or a conversation with someone that hurts me.

3. Do one thing every day that my 2009 self wouldn't have.

4. Drink no coffee, regular sodas and cheap champagne (unless a special occasion).

5. Blog more.

6. Smile more, and cherish the relationships in my life that matter the most to me.

7. Keep in touch with family.

8. Be brunette for an entire year.

9. Listen to music. All the time.

10. Sit for at least 30 minutes a day and just think, without speaking.

11. Get a non-human companion, and keep one.

And last, 12. Never complain about something that makes me smile.