Feelings

Some people do things to benefit themselves, others do it out of the kindness of their hearts. Which person am I? I think in most situations, the latter, but in some, the former. Recently, I had the opportunity to help out a friend, and further her career. Did I do it? Yes. Did I enjoy the feeling of her thanking me and being appreciative and telling me how much she "owed me"? No. It kind of gave me a sick, annoyed, bitter feeling. Like as she tells the story of how things unfolded for her, all I can think is how much I don't really care.
Okay, that sounds bad. I do care, or I wouldn't have recommended her. But I got the feeling of being replaced, and though I'm glad I had the chance to be selfless and help her, I don't like the taste it left in my mouth. I feel remorse, almost. It's disgusting. I always think that I wish I was more like Josh, helping people and not thinking of the ways it would change my life; but then I think that he's gone, and it's my life to live. And then I realize, if he was really gone... Would I have done the right thing in this situation? No. So I feel very blessed to have helped her; I wish her nothing but the best.